Find every opportunity to contact him when something reminds you of your relationship
To keep you fresh in his mind, constantly apologize for the little things you did wrong during the relationship “just wanted to say sorry for throwing a hissy fit at blockbuster after we got jack in the box that one day. I think it was a Wednesday? Around 7:30? February 25th? Anyways, I was totally kidding about hating action movies. We totally should have just watched fast and the furious instead of mean girls. If you’re free tonight, I could totally pick it up and come over???!! As friends.”
If you have nothing to say, text him an “accidental text” that you obviouslyyy meant to send to the new person you’re fucking.
Become best friends with his best friend. Then have sex with them. Jealousy makes the heart grow fonder! Or was that distance? Whatever.
Be sure to post tons of sad, depressing statuses about how your heart has been bleeding since the day he left you and how you’ll never feel the same about anyone ever again.
But you don’t want to sound pathetic, follow this up with a tweet about how much fun you have been having and how you are finally happy ☺ don’t forget to change your profile picture to one that you photoshopped to make yourself look 10 pounds skinnier!
If you are at a party together, flirt with any and everyone around you. If he even THINKs about starting to talk to another girl, pull him aside and cry/scream loudly about how he’s being so inconsiderate of your feelings! You guys only broke up 8 months ago! Have a fucking heart. Don’t forget to text him sorry when you get home and ask him to come over.
If he tries to cut off all ties with you because he is feeling “smothered” DO NOT SURRENDER. If you stop talking to him now, hes going to forget how awesome/funny/smart/pretty/talented/witty/cool you are. Instead, double your attack. Continue to text/call/tweet/send naked pictures/and interrupt him when he is playing call of duty. If he calls you crazy or psycho, this is good! Send him the link to his dogs’ facebook that you made for him. He won’t be able to resist.
If it gets down to him blocking your number and social networking page, then you really got yourself a keeper! Boys love playing games, he just wants to see how far you’ll really go for him. This is his secret way of telling you that he wants to take the conversation away from electronics. Show up at his house unannounced with his favorite meal/candy/lingerie
If none of these work, you’re obviously doing it wrong.